Healed!

Although I choose to try to focus on positive things for which thanks and praise can be offered to God through this journey, the negative aspects are unavoidable, so I don't just pretend that they don't exist.  The bone pain that I experience is by far the worst symptom of the disease, and it has been getting worse and harder to manage.  To this point I have been able to avoid taking narcotic pain killers, but that has changed.  My doctor at the clinic referred me to a pain management facility last Tuesday; I was scheduled for an appointment tomorrow (Wednesday).  The past two full weeks have been very difficult trying to manage the pain, and I wasn't thrilled that I would have to wait another week before I could get an appointment.  I missed two days of work last week due to pain.  Several times I was reduced to being on my hands and knees rocking back and forth and breathing like I did when I was in labor with my babies.  And there have been a lot of tears.  Thankfully, my boss, Dr. Nic, took action and had our office staff send another referral to the pain management place for me (our chiropractic office has referred patients to the same pain management facility in the past).  They called our office saying they already had a referral for me, to which my boss replied that he was aware of that and sent another one because they needed to get me in sooner than another week.  Lo and behold, I got a call from pain management that day (last Friday) saying they could get me in! 

At that appointment I was prescribed hydrocodone to start, since I have never in my life had to take an opiate or narcotic pain killer.  I was told to stop taking the Low Dose Naltrexone I have been taking ever since starting at Fox Valley four months ago...LDN is an opiate blocker and would interfere with the new drug.  I was also told that it could take a bit for the LDN to be completely out of my system.  I am assuming that was the reason that I didn't have great results Friday night and Saturday.  But Sunday and Monday I felt great!  As much as I didn't want to be taking narcotics, I was very hopeful that this would get me through the next two weeks before we can get down to Mexico.  Unfortunately, the new drug only worked for a day and a half.  Monday night (last night) I experienced severe pain three hours before my next dose was due...so I took another pill early hoping it would get me through the night.  That was not to be...that dose only lasted five hours.  I suffered for a couple hours before finally taking an Aleve, which did help--I didn't think I could safely take more of the new drug that soon.  Early this morning (Tuesday) I left a message at the clinic saying I wouldn't be in for my morning treatment due to a hard night, and I left a message at the pain management place explaining what happened and asking how I was supposed to proceed.  Pain management never called me back, so I called the pharmacist to ask if it was okay for me to alternate the new drug with Aleve, since neither med was working for the expected 12 hours.  The pharmacist did say that I could do that, so that's how I will handle it for now.  I was so exhausted that I was in tears every time I made a call and talked to someone.  That was a bit embarrassing.  *Late this afternoon, pain management did return my call, and the doctor said I could take the hydrocodone every six hours instead of 12, if needed.

Again, the trial of pain over the past couple weeks directed me to God's Word for help.  I was reminded that even Jesus asked His Father to remove the suffering of the cross from His life, because Christ knew full well the agony it would entail.  The Savior still submitted to God's plan, saying, "Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done."  That is a conversation I have had more than once:  "God, I don't know why you're allowing this pain in my life, and I would really like You to remove it--yet not my will, but Yours.  This is really hard to handle and I'm feeling very weak, so please give me Your strength."  I also remind myself that my pain is only temporary and that it can never even come close to comparing with the type of suffering that Jesus endured on the cross.  I also keep claiming the Lord's promises that He is with me through everything and will never leave me or let me deal with it alone.  This past Sunday, Pastor Schultz preached from Isaiah 46 with a relevant theme of God carrying us: 

      3Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,
      And all the remnant of the house of Israel,
      Who have been upheld by Me from birth,
      Who have been carried from the womb:
         ⁴Even to your old age, I am He,
      And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
      I have made, and I will bear;
      Even I will carry, and will deliver you.

One other thing I have used for encouragement comes from the secular realm.  I have read the book and seen the movie "Unbroken" which is about the unbelievable experiences endured by Louis Zamperini--Olympic hopeful and WWII veteran that survived his bomber crashing into the ocean and being a prisoner of war for years.  Louis' brother told him, "If you can take it, you can make it," when Louis was training as a runner, and Louis remembered that phrase throughout the years of his survival, imprisonment, and torture.  That phrase has run through my mind several times, too.

I'm sure you are wondering how in the world I can entitle this post "Healed!" after sharing the difficulty I'm experiencing with pain.  Let me answer that now.  :)  My brother, Steve, is the assistant pastor at our church, and when he preaches, he's been going through the life of Christ.  Many of the passages are about Christ's healing ministry when He was on earth, so my brother has touched on that topic a few times now.  First of all, Jesus' desire and ability to heal people of their diseases and afflictions is undeniable.  One passage talked about Him healing everyone in a town, and there are the well-known accounts of Him healing many individuals and resurrecting people from the dead.  That alone is such an encouragement, knowing that Christ is in the business of healing people. 

Secondly, my brother has emphasized what happened to all the people Jesus healed during His ministry...they all eventually died.  That has also been an encouragement to me--that even if God does completely heal me of this cancer, I am going to die of something at some point.  Physical healing is only temporary, and physical death is unavoidable, so the physical should never be our priority.  The spiritual, however, is eternal, and should be our priority.  Will we have eternal life with God and His Son or eternal separation from God and eternal suffering?

Steve's latest message was on the passage in Mark 1:40-45 where Jesus healed the leper. Of course he covered the aspects of physical healing again, but then Steve made the connection between this passage and spiritual healing--salvation.  The leper told Jesus, "If you are willing, you can make me clean;" Jesus responded, "I am willing."  The Lord is also willing to save everyone:  "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9)  The leper recognized his unclean state and sought the One whom he knew could cleanse him.  Likewise, we need to recognize our state of spiritual uncleanness and seek the only One who can cleanse us of our sins.  Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  Romans 5:12, "Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned."  Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."  The leper knew he couldn't heal himself; nor can we save ourselves with any amount of self-effort.  Acts 4:12, "Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name [the name of Jesus] under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."  Ephesians 2:8-9, "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast."  Titus 3:5, "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit."  

When I was a young child, I recognized that I was a sinner and wouldn't be allowed into heaven, so I asked the only One who could save me, Jesus, to forgive my sins.  And I trusted in His death on the cross to pay the price for my sins.  Christ healed me spiritually that day.  We never know whether our physical lives will be ended early by accident, illness, or disease; or late by a body worn out from old age.  The most important thing is to know where you will spend your eternal life after your physical life ends.  And you can know.  John 20:31, "But these are written [the words of the Gospel of John], that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you might have life through his name."  1 John 5:12-13, "He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God."

Whether or not God chooses to heal my physical body of this disease called cancer, I know beyond all doubt that spiritually--from the diseased condition of sin--I am already HEALED!