Healed!

Although I choose to try to focus on positive things for which thanks and praise can be offered to God through this journey, the negative aspects are unavoidable, so I don't just pretend that they don't exist.  The bone pain that I experience is by far the worst symptom of the disease, and it has been getting worse and harder to manage.  To this point I have been able to avoid taking narcotic pain killers, but that has changed.  My doctor at the clinic referred me to a pain management facility last Tuesday; I was scheduled for an appointment tomorrow (Wednesday).  The past two full weeks have been very difficult trying to manage the pain, and I wasn't thrilled that I would have to wait another week before I could get an appointment.  I missed two days of work last week due to pain.  Several times I was reduced to being on my hands and knees rocking back and forth and breathing like I did when I was in labor with my babies.  And there have been a lot of tears.  Thankfully, my boss, Dr. Nic, took action and had our office staff send another referral to the pain management place for me (our chiropractic office has referred patients to the same pain management facility in the past).  They called our office saying they already had a referral for me, to which my boss replied that he was aware of that and sent another one because they needed to get me in sooner than another week.  Lo and behold, I got a call from pain management that day (last Friday) saying they could get me in! 

At that appointment I was prescribed hydrocodone to start, since I have never in my life had to take an opiate or narcotic pain killer.  I was told to stop taking the Low Dose Naltrexone I have been taking ever since starting at Fox Valley four months ago...LDN is an opiate blocker and would interfere with the new drug.  I was also told that it could take a bit for the LDN to be completely out of my system.  I am assuming that was the reason that I didn't have great results Friday night and Saturday.  But Sunday and Monday I felt great!  As much as I didn't want to be taking narcotics, I was very hopeful that this would get me through the next two weeks before we can get down to Mexico.  Unfortunately, the new drug only worked for a day and a half.  Monday night (last night) I experienced severe pain three hours before my next dose was due...so I took another pill early hoping it would get me through the night.  That was not to be...that dose only lasted five hours.  I suffered for a couple hours before finally taking an Aleve, which did help--I didn't think I could safely take more of the new drug that soon.  Early this morning (Tuesday) I left a message at the clinic saying I wouldn't be in for my morning treatment due to a hard night, and I left a message at the pain management place explaining what happened and asking how I was supposed to proceed.  Pain management never called me back, so I called the pharmacist to ask if it was okay for me to alternate the new drug with Aleve, since neither med was working for the expected 12 hours.  The pharmacist did say that I could do that, so that's how I will handle it for now.  I was so exhausted that I was in tears every time I made a call and talked to someone.  That was a bit embarrassing.  *Late this afternoon, pain management did return my call, and the doctor said I could take the hydrocodone every six hours instead of 12, if needed.

Again, the trial of pain over the past couple weeks directed me to God's Word for help.  I was reminded that even Jesus asked His Father to remove the suffering of the cross from His life, because Christ knew full well the agony it would entail.  The Savior still submitted to God's plan, saying, "Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done."  That is a conversation I have had more than once:  "God, I don't know why you're allowing this pain in my life, and I would really like You to remove it--yet not my will, but Yours.  This is really hard to handle and I'm feeling very weak, so please give me Your strength."  I also remind myself that my pain is only temporary and that it can never even come close to comparing with the type of suffering that Jesus endured on the cross.  I also keep claiming the Lord's promises that He is with me through everything and will never leave me or let me deal with it alone.  This past Sunday, Pastor Schultz preached from Isaiah 46 with a relevant theme of God carrying us: 

      3Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,
      And all the remnant of the house of Israel,
      Who have been upheld by Me from birth,
      Who have been carried from the womb:
         ⁴Even to your old age, I am He,
      And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
      I have made, and I will bear;
      Even I will carry, and will deliver you.

One other thing I have used for encouragement comes from the secular realm.  I have read the book and seen the movie "Unbroken" which is about the unbelievable experiences endured by Louis Zamperini--Olympic hopeful and WWII veteran that survived his bomber crashing into the ocean and being a prisoner of war for years.  Louis' brother told him, "If you can take it, you can make it," when Louis was training as a runner, and Louis remembered that phrase throughout the years of his survival, imprisonment, and torture.  That phrase has run through my mind several times, too.

I'm sure you are wondering how in the world I can entitle this post "Healed!" after sharing the difficulty I'm experiencing with pain.  Let me answer that now.  :)  My brother, Steve, is the assistant pastor at our church, and when he preaches, he's been going through the life of Christ.  Many of the passages are about Christ's healing ministry when He was on earth, so my brother has touched on that topic a few times now.  First of all, Jesus' desire and ability to heal people of their diseases and afflictions is undeniable.  One passage talked about Him healing everyone in a town, and there are the well-known accounts of Him healing many individuals and resurrecting people from the dead.  That alone is such an encouragement, knowing that Christ is in the business of healing people. 

Secondly, my brother has emphasized what happened to all the people Jesus healed during His ministry...they all eventually died.  That has also been an encouragement to me--that even if God does completely heal me of this cancer, I am going to die of something at some point.  Physical healing is only temporary, and physical death is unavoidable, so the physical should never be our priority.  The spiritual, however, is eternal, and should be our priority.  Will we have eternal life with God and His Son or eternal separation from God and eternal suffering?

Steve's latest message was on the passage in Mark 1:40-45 where Jesus healed the leper. Of course he covered the aspects of physical healing again, but then Steve made the connection between this passage and spiritual healing--salvation.  The leper told Jesus, "If you are willing, you can make me clean;" Jesus responded, "I am willing."  The Lord is also willing to save everyone:  "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9)  The leper recognized his unclean state and sought the One whom he knew could cleanse him.  Likewise, we need to recognize our state of spiritual uncleanness and seek the only One who can cleanse us of our sins.  Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  Romans 5:12, "Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned."  Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."  The leper knew he couldn't heal himself; nor can we save ourselves with any amount of self-effort.  Acts 4:12, "Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name [the name of Jesus] under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."  Ephesians 2:8-9, "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast."  Titus 3:5, "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit."  

When I was a young child, I recognized that I was a sinner and wouldn't be allowed into heaven, so I asked the only One who could save me, Jesus, to forgive my sins.  And I trusted in His death on the cross to pay the price for my sins.  Christ healed me spiritually that day.  We never know whether our physical lives will be ended early by accident, illness, or disease; or late by a body worn out from old age.  The most important thing is to know where you will spend your eternal life after your physical life ends.  And you can know.  John 20:31, "But these are written [the words of the Gospel of John], that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you might have life through his name."  1 John 5:12-13, "He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God."

Whether or not God chooses to heal my physical body of this disease called cancer, I know beyond all doubt that spiritually--from the diseased condition of sin--I am already HEALED! 

Preparing for Rain

About a week ago, Bob told me that he had set a goal to leave for Mexico for further cancer treatment in about three weeks.  I was slightly surprised, because we didn't yet have our passports nor even half the necessary funds.  My attitude had been one of just trusting God and waiting until all the necessities were in place.  But my Love had plans!  He shared that a phrase had been running through his mind, and he couldn't ignore it.  There is a Christian movie entitled "Facing the Giants" (an awesome movie which we highly recommend!), and during one part there is an older gentleman, Mr. Bridges, who challenges Shiloh Christian school's struggling football coach with the message that God is not finished with him at the school yet.  Mr. Bridges tells the coach a story about two farmers who were both praying for rain during a drought, but only one of them worked his fields in anticipation of answered prayer.  Mr. Bridges asked the coach which of the farmers showed more faith, and of course the coach said that it was the one who was preparing for rain.  Mr. Bridges then asked the coach, "Which one are you?  God will send the rain when He's ready.  You need to prepare your fields to receive it."  That phrase, "preparing for rain", is what occupied Bob's mind, so he decided to act upon it.  Instead of waiting around to see if God was going to supply what we needed to be able to go to Mexico, my Love decided he was going to start making plans in anticipation of God's provision.  Have I mentioned how much I love this man?

In the week since Bob shared that with me, I had the final doctor phone interview of the clinics we've been considering, and we made a decision; between obtaining some additional financing from our bank and a lot of financial donations coming in over a short time, we are very close to having all the money we need for the trip; and Bob booked airline tickets for our trip.  God has clearly been at work!  Our passports haven't arrived yet, but it's been just two weeks since we applied, so there is still time.

We now have a definite plan:  we will fly to San Diego on Tuesday, February 13, stay in a hotel that night, then a shuttle from the Hope 4 Cancer Institute in Tijuana, Mexico, will pick us up at our hotel first thing in the morning on Wednesday, February 14 to start three weeks of treatment--treatments are seven days per week.  Accommodations and meals for both of us for the entire three weeks are provided.  There is also an excellent follow-up plan included as well as take-home treatment protocols for me.  Our children will be looked after very well in our absence thanks to loving family and friends.

We are excited and nervous at the same time now that the plans are a reality.  We also continue to be overwhelmed at God's goodness and the generosity of His people!

Stewardship

I've been very busy checking out cancer clinics in Mexico and contacting some of them.  It usually involves filling out online medical questionnaires and having all my records from Fox Valley sent to them.  I have a couple phone interviews this week with doctors from the clinics to get a better idea of what the treatment plans will involve.

I also connected with a lady who also has breast cancer metastasized to her bones and who is a wealth of information!  She has been to Mexico already and had lots of info on that and on more resources within the U.S., which will be helpful in case I can't make it to Mexico.  So I am working through what she shared as well.

My doctor at Fox Valley, Dr. Coleman, is leaving the clinic to lighten his schedule and be able to spend more time at home, because his wife is due with a baby in a week or so.  He will still be working some at another clinic in Madison and working some from home, but his schedule is more flexible than his wife's work schedule, so he is doing what he can to be home and help rear their child, for which I applaud him.  Dr. Meress, who has already been consulting on my case anyway, will take over, so it won't be an issue.  Today was Dr. Coleman's last day at the clinic, and I was glad I was able to chat with him for several minutes and give him a hug before I left.

This week I will begin several sessions of colonics at a place in Appleton.  Dr. Abfall recommended that I do colonics, and it makes sense to ensure my intestines are cleaned out not only to eliminate toxins, but also so more nutrients, etc., can be absorbed into my blood stream through the colon.

Last night was another bad night with leg pain.  It's very hit-or-miss...I can have several good nights in a row, then all of a sudden I'll have a bad night or two.  The last time I remember looking at the clock it was 3:30 a.m., so there was no way I was going to get up at 5:30 in order to get to the clinic for an early hyperbaric appointment.  So I skipped the hyperbaric and went in later for an IV.  The rest of the day went well.  Tomorrow I will be at the Inochi detox clinic in West Bend for 4-5 hours.

Yesterday was a good day at church!  In Sunday School the topic of financial stewardship was discussed, and one of the points was that when we recognize that everything we have--not just money and possessions, but also talents, abilities, spiritual gifts--belongs to God and that we are only stewards of those things for God, it makes it much easier to share.  It reminded me of a couple of things.  First of all, I've always viewed my treatment choices as my endeavor to be as good of a steward as I can of the body He gave me.  Secondly, we have been humbled recently by very generous gifts from some individuals for whom we know it had to have been a significant sacrifice.  Those gifts brought us to tears, and those individuals obviously have a profound understanding of biblical stewardship demonstrated by their sacrificial willingness to share what God gave them.

The music at church yesterday was also a blessing.  Norman and Susan Smith and their family were with us for the day reporting on their ministry in Japan, and they have a lot of musical talent which they shared with us through several special numbers (they are good stewards of their talents!).  For one number, their oldest daughter, Chloe, 15, played guitar and sang a song that she wrote herself, and it was beautiful.  It was about how our lives are in God's control, and knowing what will happen is not our role--we just need to trust that His will is good.  Bob and I both thought it was very appropriate for our lives right now.  Another song that really spoke to me was one that we sang as a congregation, called "Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer":

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labor through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
And I'll follow through I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go;
At the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

The family who hosted the Smiths for lunch also invited our family to join them, so we had the added blessing of an excellent time of fellowship yesterday afternoon as well.  Most of the kids among our three families are close in age, so they had a fun day, too.

Mexico Miracle

My brother coined the expression "Mexico Miracle" after finding out that we are pursuing traveling to an alternative cancer clinic in Mexico for further cancer treatments not available in the U.S., and it fits perfectly.  Not only because a miraculous healing is needed, but also because it will take a miracle of God's provision in order to get us there!

I have checked into several clinics, and there are a few that look promising.  I mentioned some of the different treatments in my last post.  The cost ranges from $30K-$45K, which is daunting to say the least!  The average treatment is three weeks in Mexico with further take-home protocols included.  Some include follow-up visits; some don't.  Most include accommodations and meals for me and a companion (my Love, Bob, of course--although a couple of my nurses think they should go--haha) for the duration.  Some are fully-functioning hospitals; some are not.  Most look like resorts, which is always appealing!

My family encouraged us to start a GoFundMe account, since they had several people inquiring whether or not we had one started.  So we did that; the link is below.

https://www.gofundme.com/kims-mexico-cancer-treatment

My sister also had "Kim's Clan" t-shirts made which are available as a fundraiser, too.  They are $15 each.  

 

It's always awkward asking for financial help, but knowing when to accept help is important, too.  We don't expect other people to pay for my medical expenses--I made the choice to use alternative treatments knowing they aren't usually covered by insurance, and we are responsible for that.  We have been able to finance the cost of my treatments to this point, but another $45K is out of our league.  We have also learned that it's wrong to withhold a blessing from those who want to give.  So for those who feel led to give, there is opportunity.  If we don't get enough funds to go to Mexico, we will take that as a clear sign that God is closing that door, and we will choose another path.  All funds given will still be used toward further treatments.  The most important gift anyone can give is lifting me and my family before the throne of the Great Physician, so we covet all your prayers!