It has been four years since my breast cancer diagnosis. Four perfectly normal, good, healthy years. But as any cancer patient can relate, the possibility of a recurrence has always been in the back of my mind. The pathology of the cancer cells in the original breast lump was not good. It was Stage II due to the size of the tumor (2.2 cm), and it was Grade 3--one step away from being the "naughtiest" kind of cancer cells. If I had known then what I have learned since, I would have done several things differently, but we can only make decisions based on what we know. I did have a needle biopsy and surgery to remove the lump. Both of those procedures compromised the integrity of the tumor. Instead of the cancer cells being confined to that one mass, the biopsy and surgery opened it up, allowing cancer cells to escape and move throughout my body. Once I learned that, I realized that there was a pretty good chance of recurrence. That brings me to today...well, actually to this past Wednesday, but I have to go back a bit further yet.The first week of June while I was playing basketball, I felt a sudden severe sharp pain in my right hip--the front of the top of my leg. I could barely walk, but I did manage to drive myself home from the gym. Fortunately, my boss and good friend is a chiropractor, so, of course, Dr. Nic worked on it, and it did improve that first week. Then it kind of plateaued. I could function, but it was still very painful at times. Dr. Nic took an x-ray to make sure the bones and structural integrity were okay. When he sent my x-ray to a chiropractic radiologist, he did include my history with cancer. The report came back that I had a slight bone impingement (no big deal) and couple possible cysts, but no evidence of metastatic disease. Whew! That left me with a suspected tear in a ligament or the labrum (the lining of the hip socket) which could only be determined by an MRI. That would cost a minimum of $600. And it wouldn't necessarily provide me with other treatment options. Other than surgery, which is the last option, a soft tissue injury or tear in that area most likely would just require a lot of time to heal--like six to nine months. So I put off getting an MRI and instead had some acupuncture for a few weeks and took some extra supplements to promote healing.
The pain is usually minimal during the day, but would worsen as the day went on or with increased activity--more signs that it was an injury. At night, I would experience what I thought was referred nerve pain (there is a bundle of nerves up in the hip area) down my entire leg. It was weird, because the pain would "move" around: sometimes it was down the front of my leg, other times down the side, in my knee, or in my ankle. This referred pain could be almost unbearable, and it kept me from falling asleep and also woke me up out of a sleep. Ibuprofen was the only thing that gave me any relief, but I didn't want to be constantly taking it, so I would usually wait until the evening before taking it. So, for the past three months I've been taking a couple ibuprofen once or twice a day.
Then all of a sudden, with no explanation, the pain went away completely...zero pain!...for two straight weeks the end of August. During those two weeks, I was able to go hiking with my family and go to Six Flags with my kids--two activities I had really wanted to do, but thought weren't going to happen because of my leg. Neither of those activities is that big a deal, but the only conclusion I have is that God gave me a two-week respite just to be able to do those things. After those two weeks, the pain returned, worse than ever. And that is when I decided I had to at least find out exactly what was wrong.
This past Wednesday, September 6, I had an MRI at 9:00 a.m. I took ibuprofen prior to the appointment, because I knew I would have to lie still for the 45 minute scan. Everything went smoothly; I prayed and dozed during the scan. The tech said I would have the report late that afternoon at the earliest. Before the scan I had told the tech it was a suspected soft tissue injury, but that cancer recurrence was always a possibility, too, which he noted when he sent the scan to be read. I arrived at work shortly after noon that day, and when I gave the MRI image cd to my boss, he told me that a doctor had tried to call him earlier about me. As soon as he said that, I knew it was bad. Why else would the doctor reading the scan call my boss within a couple hours of receiving the scan instead of just sending the report?
A couple hours later, Dr. Nic was able to finally connect with the doctor, and it was confirmed. There were three small lesions in different bones in my hip area. The doctor also said they could not have been seen on the x-ray Dr. Nic took previously, so there was no issue of them being "missed" by the chiro radiologist. The doctor recommended a full-body bone scan to follow up. I am pursuing a full-body MRI now to determine if there is cancer anywhere else other than my hip.
There is no getting around the fact that this is bad...the cancer has metastasized, and it is in my bones. I'm not a pessimist; I'm a realist. I'm not planning on dying from this, but I'm fully aware that could be the end result. Again, I will not be seeking chemo or radiation, since they will only kill me faster and ruin my quality of life in the process. I was greatly encouraged when a friend told me of a woman she knows with the same diagnosis who was much more advanced than I, who also did alternative treatments which have resulted in her tumors disappearing, and she is healing! There are lots and lots of alternative cancer treatments available, and lots of clinics where they can be done. I'm starting with one in Fond du Lac, which is only 30 minutes from our house. It will most likely be another week before I can get in, which allows time to practice being still and resting in God's timing.
One positive is that the three spots I know about are quite small...the negative is the amount of pain those three small spots cause already. Bone cancer is ugly and extremely painful, so it's likely that my pain will only get worse, which I admit is disturbing. I am thankful that so far I am managing with just ibuprofen.
Just as it was with my first cancer diagnosis, having to tell my family the news was one of the hardest parts. I can deal with my issues, but it's hard to cause emotional pain and stress to loved ones. I know it's necessary and ultimately beneficial, but that doesn't make it any easier. So far, everyone seems to be handling it pretty well, for which I'm thankful. If you observed our family, you wouldn't notice much difference other than more frequent hugs. I'm pretty matter-of-fact and have always been straightforward with our kids, so they know the situation, and they ask me questions about it when they have any. I know there is likely more going on in their heads than they are expressing outwardly, though. There have been tears, but there is still an overall sense of calm and peace rooted in the confidence that this is in God's hands. He will allow it to unfold perfectly and give us all the grace and mercy we need as it does unfold.
My desire is to walk worthy of my Savior.
Specific prayer requests:
- Wisdom in decision-making
- Healing
- Pain management
- Reliance on God for all our needs
- His will to be accomplished in each of our lives
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