A Lonely Road

Fighting cancer through nutrition and lifestyle changes can be a lonely road in some ways.  I need to be careful here not to be misunderstood, because I know there are lots and lots of people who care about me, are praying for me, and are concerned for my well-being.  And I am truly grateful for them!  But there aren't too many people who truly support what I'm doing.  I tried counting the number of people who have actually verbalized to me that they agree with my approach and support what I'm doing, and I could only come up with about a dozen.  Only 12-14 people who actually told me they think I'm doing the right thing.  I have to admit that's a little disheartening--not surprising, really, but still disheartening.  On the other hand, except for one person I can recall, no one has really given me any negative feedback, either.  So at least I don't have to deal with people telling me I'm crazy and wrong--for which I'm also thankful!  I think most people don't agree with what I'm doing, but they're too polite to say so, so they just don't say anything at all.  It's true that silence can be deafening--silence is definitely better than constant criticism, though!

There are a few observations I've made over the past year--not necessarily good or bad, but just the way it is.

Not having any visible signs of fighting an illness doesn't garner much attention.  Again, don't get me wrong--I am extremely happy not to be wasting away, sick from radiation and chemo, losing my hair, or recovering from life-changing surgery, and I wouldn't want it any other way!  I understand that it's perfectly natural for people either to be unaware, or to forget that someone is battling a health condition when that person looks perfectly healthy.  Also, I'm not saying that I want to constantly be asked how I'm doing or that I wish people would talk about it more often.  Truthfully, I don't have much to report anyway, since I'm not going through standard courses of treatment.

Eating differently than everyone else can be difficult and isolating at times.  Let's face it, eating my organic salad when everyone else is having a delicious meal isn't always very appealing.  And it's definitely tough watching other people eat yummy desserts that I should not eat!  Sometimes I wonder if others feel guilty about what they're eating or "judged" by me somehow simply by virtue of the fact that I'm not eating what they are eating.  I hope not, because I certainly don't think that way!  I am definitely guilty of cheating and eating things I know are bad for me, and there are a few reasons.  1.  I'm running out of my "good" food, so I just eat what's available until I can buy more of my food.  2.  I'm away from home at a restaurant, someone else's house, a party, etc.--somewhere where my "good" food isn't available--so I just choose the best options from what is available.  3.  I simply give in to the desire to eat something yummy that I shouldn't eat.  :)  When we are on vacation or visiting family, I do take along my own food, but I can't take everything, so I still end up cheating here and there.  It is also awkward knowing other people feel badly that they don't have or aren't serving food that I should eat.  I always tell people who know my situation not to even worry about what I "can" and "can't" eat, and to just cook like they normally would, and I will adjust.  In most cases it would be way too difficult to accommodate my diet requirements, and I certainly don't expect everyone else to have to change what they eat because of one person.  I deal with these situations by understanding it is impossible for me to eat the right way 100% of the time,  so I try to do the best I can within the limitations I have.

I think people assume that we don't have any cancer-related financial needs since I'm not going through expensive medical treatments and making constant trips to doctors and hospitals.  Which is understandable.  It's harder to see a financial need if you think that basically, only my grocery list changed.  It's definitely more inspiring to contribute to a fundraiser or benefit when you see someone suffering from going through surgeries and treatments and tests and one appointment after another, or if you know someone is losing their fight against cancer.  We did receive some financial help last summer after my diagnosis, which was definitely a blessing, but I think that was more because my husband needed surgery for a broken ankle and was off work for two months.  I only missed one day of work due to my surgery, but we still owe thousands of dollars for that surgery.  The other reality for me is that there is never enough money in the grocery budget for all the food or supplements that I should be buying.  Since food is my medicine, basically I don't have enough money to pay for my cancer "treatments."  I also have to pay out of pocket for my thermography scans.  I would like to get some more blood work done, but I'm putting that off, too because I can't afford to have it done right now.  I'm not trying to make people feel guilty, and I don't want it to seem that I'm complaining or begging for help, because I'm not.  God sees my needs and supplies accordingly, and I don't doubt His faithfulness--He has proved it over and over in our lives!  (I figure I must not really "need" the stuff I can't afford right now.  :)  )

So, although my road is lonely at times, I would still choose it over the alternative every time!  :)

Good News!

I had a busy summer and didn't post, but there is lots to talk about!  In an earlier post from May I discussed thermography vs. mammography for breast cancer screening.  Well, in mid-July I had a full-body thermography scan done at Valley Thermography in Appleton, WI.  Christine Haase is the technician, and she was super!  The process was easy and totally non-invasive--it's basically getting pictures taken.  For a couple of the breast images, I placed a sticker over the area where the tumor had been, so it was clearly marked.  We viewed and discussed the full color thermographic images, and Chris explained that the images and my medical history would be sent to a doctor to be interpreted.  That doctor would then issue a report with his findings.  I had the results within a week.

I have to admit that I was convinced that something would show up just because of how poor the histology of the cancer was.  I was also thinking that it was very likely that something would show up in my lymph nodes (up to this point it was unknown whether or not there was cancer in the lymph nodes).  You can imagine the surprise and relief I felt when the report came back that everything was clear so far! 

I have experienced what I call "dark days"--times when I was overwhelmed by negative feelings and thoughts.  At times when things weren't going well, I would think that my kids would be better off if I died of cancer.  (No, I don't really believe that!  As I said, these were dark thoughts influenced by dark moods.  I would overcome them by concentrating on what is true and right and good, etc.--choosing to think Godly thoughts instead.)  I also had pessimistic thoughts that I was probably going to die of this cancer, and then all the people who think I'm a lunatic for not getting radiation and chemo would be able to say, "I told you so" and never believe in nutrition, and I would have accomplished nothing.  Getting a clear scan definitely gave me hope that those scenarios wouldn't really happen.

The doctor who interpreted my scans recommended another breast scan in three months in order to establish good baseline images, so I will do that in October.  Depending upon what the second scan shows, I may go another six months or a year after that before I have another scan. 

I sent a letter to both my oncologist and my family doctor with a copy of the thermography report, an explanation of why I chose thermography over mammogram, and my plans to have another scan in October.  I did not make an appointment to see my oncologist, but I will keep him updated and possibly get some more blood work done in the future.

In the meantime, I am continuing with my immune-strengthening, anti-cancer diet as well as reducing my exposure to outside toxins--which I will discuss in another post.